Learning the Hard Way

 

Why is it that we have to learn so many things in life the hard way? It seems that, so often, we have to make mistakes and go through a lot of anguish and frustration before we get it right. Even worse, sometimes we forget what we’ve learned the hard way and we make the same mistake again. Unfortunately, that’s happened to me a time or two.

Which is why I created my “Things to Always Remember (so I don’t make the same mistakes again)” book. Seriously. It’s a small, hard bound book the size of a diary. In it, I list mistakes I’ve made and don’t want to repeat. Here are a some excerpts from my little book:

·   Never use oven cleaner on anything but the oven. Not on the top of the stove, nowhere else! (I know, that’s what it says on the can.) Nevertheless . . . .

·   Always try on jeans before you buy them. (Saves you standing in a long return line.)

·   Never let anyone work on your computer except a professional or someone you are sure knows what he’s doing. (And don’t take anyone’s word for that; have proof.)

·   Do not paint anything with oil-based paint unless you absolutely have to. (I think this speaks for itself.)

·   Do not take your entire novel to a writers’ conference unless an agent or editor has asked you to do so. (You’ll lug it around all day - for nothing! If someone wants to read it, you can email it to them; that doesn’t weigh anything.)  

·   When making a recipe with potatoes, do not peel them ahead of time and put them in the refrigerator, thinking they’ll stay nice and fresh. (They turn gray.)

·   When you’re putting several strands of lights on your Christmas tree, be sure you’ll end up with prongs to plug in the outlet. (Otherwise, you’ll have to take them all off and start over.)

·   To paint a ceiling, use a regular roller with a long handle, not one with a drip pan. (It nicks the ceiling.) But, maybe that’s just me.

There’s an interesting story behind each one of these entries. I laughed as I typed them, recalling each incident, but I didn’t laugh when they happened. I’m sure, as time goes by, I’ll have more to put in my little book. I try not to make mistakes, especially ones that will cost me time and/or money. But I don’t feel too bad about learning some things the hard way because I’ve never yet heard anyone say, “I learned it the easy way.”

   

Requesting your opinion

This is one version of the synopsis I wrote for my first mystery/suspense novel, Mixed Messages. Of course, I had to omit the last two paragraphs which reveal the ending. (I’d like you to read my novel when it’s published.) Please read the following and tell me what you think.

ANN KERN is so caught up in her family’s  problems that, at first, she pays little attention to the news reports that a killer is strangling women in her neighborhood.

Ann loves the old Victorian in upper Westwood where she, her husband, DAVID, and their two children, DANIELLE and DAVEY, live in the first floor apartment. Their landlady, OLIVIA BERGER, an elderly woman confined to a wheelchair who believes in the supernatural, and her son, LAWRENCE, who is infatuated with Ann, live in the upstairs apartment.

Ann’s primary concern is her marriage. David is drinking heavily, gambling and staying out all night. His behavior toward her is becoming more and more erratic; one minute, he’s the kind, loving man she married and, the next minute, he’s cold and cruel.

When her meddlesome mother-in-law, LOUISE KERN, the cleaning woman and organist at their church, recommends Ann for the position as church secretary to FATHER ANDREW, she accepts the job, hoping if she contributes financially to her marriage, it will lessen the pressure on David and he won’t “need” to drink so much. (Ann doesn’t know that her father was responsible for the car crash over twenty years ago, which killed both of Ann’s parents and four other young women, one of whom was the priest’s sister.)

Ann tells Father Andrew about David’s drinking and the problems in their marriage, intimating that she might have to leave her husband. Instead of consoling her as she expected, the priest points a finger at her and shouts, “Divorce is not an option!” He refers her to DR. SUSAN THATCHER for counseling. At her first session, Ann tells the psychologist, “I feel like I’m living in a world of mixed messages.”

Olivia’s psychic, TINA BUTREAUX, a charlatan with her own agenda, warns Ann that she is in danger but Ann dismisses the warning. However, when she receives several ominous biblical quotes, instead of the usual love poems from Lawrence, and a series of strange and frightening events take place, including her discovery of a handmade tombstone with her name on it in the cemetery adjacent to the church, she is terrified that she will be the Westwood Strangler’s next victim.

Did this make you want to read the book? If not, why?

Gratitude

The first American Thanksgiving took place in Plymouth, Massachusetts in 1621, when the pilgrims, thankful for their bountiful harvest in the new land and their Indian friends, gathered together to praise God and to express their gratitude. Since then, Thanksgiving has traditionally been a day to celebrate all the things for which we are grateful. One day, out of three hundred sixty-five days in a year, when many families sit around their dining room tables, hold hands and tell, one at a time, what they’re grateful for. Which is wonderful but. . . .

What about the other three hundred sixty-four days? We’re all busy living our lives; we can easily get so caught up in work, writing and/or other responsibilities that we take things and people for granted. We forget to stop to appreciate all that we have and to be thankful for our many blessings. We need to remember that each day is a gift, a present.

Do we get up in the morning, thankful to be alive? Are we determined to make the most of each day or do we slog through life, bitter and complaining? Do we notice all the little things that go wrong in our day or do we focus on the ones that go right? There’s so much beauty in the world. Do we take time to appreciate and enjoy nature? Do we tell the important people in our lives how much they mean to us? Do we stop to give thanks (and credit) to others who encourage and support us?

I think of gratitude as an attitude we should strive to possess and express every day, not just on Thanksgiving. In our complicated world, often, the simplest words can have the greatest meaning. The following lines, from a poem I learned as a child, sum it up. “Thank you for the world so sweet. Thank you for the food we eat. Thank you for the birds that sing. Thank you, God, for everything.”

The Power of Words

Words have power. They can make someone’s day. (“You have beautiful eyes.”) Or, they can break someone’s heart. (“I don’t love you anymore.”) We writers know about proper sentence structure and how to place our carefully chosen words within a sentence to create the effect we want. And we strive to do that in our novels.

But what about in our daily interactions with others? Do we stop and think how we want to phrase something before we open our mouths or type a quick reply to an email? Sometimes, it’s not what we write or say but how we do it. Communicating our thoughts to others so they understand exactly what we mean can be difficult; misunderstandings happen all the time and, occasionally, despite our best intentions, people misinterpret our words. It happens; we can’t control the world.

There was a forward going around online a while back which suggested there should be a font for sarcasm. Who knows? Maybe there should be. I do know that a lot of people use the smiley face symbol to lessen the impact of words which are blatantly sarcastic, instead of taking responsibility for what they mean. I prefer honesty; say what you mean and mean what you say. :) (Sorry. I couldn’t resist.)

A few days ago, I had the radio on while I vacuumed and dusted my apartment. I like to hear lively music when I clean house. A commercial came on and I only caught a couple of words. I distinctly heard “lighthouse keeping.” Now, I happen to love lighthouses so my interest was immediately piqued. I had watched a special on TV not long ago about an old lighthouse in Maine where you could pay to stay there and assume the duties lighthouse keepers used to perform in the days before lighthouses were automated. My first thought was that maybe there was a lighthouse closer to home, which offered the same opportunity. I was intrigued.

I stopped what I was doing and listened to the rest of the commercial. Turns out it was an advertisement for a local cleaning service which performs light housekeeping. I laughed out loud. Was it the way the announcer emphasized the words or was it my subconscious hearing what it wanted to hear?

How do you choose a Title?

How do writers choose the titles for their novels? When I think of some of my favorite authors, Mary Higgins Clark comes immediately to mind. She often uses the titles of old songs. For example, You Belong to Me, Let Me Call You Sweetheart and All Around the Town. James Patterson’s Women’s Murder Club Series starts with 1^st to Die and is up to The 10^th Anniversary. And, Sue Grafton’s Kinsey Millhone mystery series utilizes the alphabet: A is for Alibi through the latest, V is for Vengeance.   

So, how do I choose my titles? Titles are very important to me. Since I write mystery/suspense, I want my titles to reflect the genre, at least to some degree, because I don’t want to mislead readers; I want to entice them. And, I like my titles to have a double meaning. Here’s how I came up with the title for my first mystery/suspense novel.

In Mixed Messages, a serial killer is attacking women in their Westwood homes, where the main character, Ann, her husband, David, and their two children live in the downstairs apartment of an old Victorian. David is an alcoholic and his behavior toward Ann is becoming more and more erratic; one minute, he’s the kind, loving man she married and, the next minute, he’s cold and cruel.

Lawrence Berger, the son of Olivia, Ann’s landlady, is infatuated with Ann. When, instead of the usual love poems from Lawrence, Ann receives several ominous biblical quotes, she is confused and frightened.  

Desperate for someone to confide in, Ann tells their priest, Father Andrew, about her husband’s drinking and the problems in her marriage, but instead of consoling her as she expected, he points a finger at her and shouts, “Divorce is not an option!” He refers her to Dr. Susan Thatcher for counseling and, at her first session, Ann tells the psychologist, “I feel like I’m living in a world of mixed messages.”    

How do you choose a title?

In the Spirit of Halloween

My mystery/suspense novel, Mixed Messages, takes place the last week of October in 2008, which, of course, includes Halloween. As I was doing research for the book, I discovered some interesting facts about the combination secular and religious origin and history of the holiday.

The holiday we call Halloween originated with the ancient Celtic tribes who lived in Ireland, Scotland, Wales and Brittany. For the Celts, November 1 marked the beginning of the new year and the coming of winter. The night before the new year, they celebrated the festival of Samhain, Lord of the Dead, when they believed that the souls of the dead, including ghosts, goblins and witches, returned to walk among the living. In order to scare away the evil spirits, people would wear masks and light bonfires.

When the Romans conquered the Celts, they added a few rituals to the festival. They bobbed for apples and drank cider. However, in 835, Pope Gregory IV moved the celebration of what would be later called All Saints Day to November 1. The night before became known as All Hallow’s Eve. Eventually, the name was shortened to Halloween.

Stories of ghosts first became associated with Halloween in Ireland. The Irish believed that, if someone you knew had died the previous year and you were still holding a grudge against them, that person would appear to you on Halloween, startling you so badly that you would do anything to get rid of your grudge.

Our custom of trick-or-treating began in Ireland too. Groups of farmers would go door-to-door collecting food and materials for a village feast and bonfire. Those who gave were promised a good year; those who did not give got threats of bad luck. Costumes were symbolic; they were meant to scare away the evil spirits so that the next day, on All Saints Day, the saints could celebrate without fear. And, the following day, All Souls Day, people could remember those who had died, especially in their immediate families, secure in the knowledge that they were at peace. When a large number of Catholic immigrants came to the United States, they brought the custom of trick-or-treating with them.

 The custom of carving a pumpkin for Halloween also came from the Irish. People would hollow out turnips and place lighted candles inside to scare off the evil spirits. When the Irish came to America, they discovered the pumpkin and, because it was bigger, we now carve pumpkins instead of turnips for Halloween. We call the carved pumpkins jack-o-lanterns due to the legend of an Irishman named Jack who, as punishment for never having performed a single selfless act in his life, was forced to roam the earth with only a burning coal inside a pumpkin to light his way.

Happy Halloween!