Love what you do

We’ve all heard or read these words, probably many times. “Love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Which I believe is absolutely true and, in a perfect world, we’d all spend our lives in the careers we’ve chosen, doing what we love to do. Spoiler alert: It’s not a perfect world. Sometimes, “life” has other plans for us.

My mother was an intelligent and creative woman who, I’m convinced, could’ve become anything she wanted to be. She was the fifth child of ten and grew up during the depression. At age fifteen, she was forced to quit school to take care of her younger siblings. She’d just started high school and was so excited about it. But it wasn’t meant to be.

Eventually, it was time for her to find a job and that’s where she met my father. They were married and, while she raised four children, she was a stay-at-home mom. Sadly, my parents divorced when they were in their mid-forties and my mother needed to find a job. With a limited education, through no fault of her own, the jobs she found were low-paying and, sometimes, back-breaking. But I never heard her complain. Not about the jobs and not about her lot in life.

Instead, Mom enjoyed everything she did and she gave it her "all." When I asked her how that was possible, that surely she couldn’t like everything, she replied, “Of course I can. It’s easy. I make up my mind that I’m going to enjoy whatever it is I have to do and I do.” She wasn’t kidding. It really worked for her.

I don’t claim to like everything I have to do – a couple of household chores come to mind - but, whenever I start to complain, mostly to myself, about doing something I’d rather not do, I remember my mother’s words. “I make up my mind that I’m going to enjoy. . . "

From the time I was ten years old, my dream was to become a published writer but, like most people, I needed to earn a living. I was fortunate to have worked at jobs I enjoyed. (It’s interesting that some of my experiences at those jobs and some of the people I met have been “fictionalized” and they appear in my books.)

Anyway, through the years, I never stopped pursuing my dream. I took every writing class I could find, read voraciously and wrote whenever possible. Fifty-two years later, my first Malone mystery was published and now, with eight published novels - I'm working on the ninth -  I’m finally doing what I love to do.

Five Things I've Learned

Do you remember these lyrics from a perfume commercial in the 70s? “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never, never let you forget you’re a man.” Women were supposed to believe they could do it all and be well dressed, beautifully coiffed and perfumed at the same time. Well, as any woman who has tried to do everything for her family and succeed in her own career knows, that’s poppycock. (I can think of other words but I’m trying to keep it clean.) No woman, or man, can do everything, at least not at the same time. Something has to give.

You may be wondering what all of that has to do with writing. The answer is: everything. As writers, the thing we want to do more than anything else, is to write but there are times when other responsibilities must take precedence. For example, when we have a new book coming out, we need to devote a good portion of our time to promoting it. And, like everyone else, we writers have families and friends who sometimes need us and, as important as our writing is to us, the people we love are more important.

I’ve written five novels, my Malone mystery series, and I’m currently working on a standalone mystery. Along the way, I’ve learned a few things.

1. I’ve learned to prioritize. Each morning, I make decisions as to what the most important things are for me to do that day. What has to be done? What should be done? And, what I’d like to get done if I have the time and the energy. I schedule my day and I make lots of lists.

2.  I’ve learned not to feel guilty when I don’t accomplish everything I’ve set out to do that day and not to let anyone else make me feel guilty either. I can’t please all of the people all of the time; all I can do is what I can do!

3. I’ve learned not to “bite off more than I can chew.” In other words, I try not to commit to more than I know (or think) I can handle. Sometimes, this results in missed opportunities to promote my books but I’d rather say “No” to an invitation than have to back out on something I’ve committed to.

4. I’ve learned to take some time each day for me. After all, we are human beings, not human doings. A little time to myself soaking in a warm tub, reading a good book or sprawled out on the sofa watching TV can be just what I need to recharge my batteries. And, I've come to realize, "down time," when I'm not even thinking about writing, is often when I get some of my best ideas.

5. I’ve learned to focus more on why I write than on my lack of online sales. I try not to equate the number of books I sell with success. Some days I do a great job of that; other days not so much. But, a very wise friend of mine once said, “Ninety percent of life is showing up.” So, each day, I sit at my desk, place my fingers on the keyboard and write. Because writing is my passion and who knows? Maybe someday. . . .

Baby Steps

Life can be frustrating. Sometimes, even though we live in a fast-paced society of instant gratification, things don’t move along as quickly as we’d like. We’re so accustomed to pushing a button on our TVs, computers, etc. to immediately get the results we want that we’ve come to expect life to be the same way. Simple fact: it isn’t.

My mother is eighty-six years old and has decided it’s time to sell her house and move into an apartment. We’ve agreed to list the house no later than October 1^st. As you can imagine, after living in the same house for many years, she’s accumulated a lot of stuff and there’s no way it will all fit into an apartment. So, we’re slowly attempting to sort through everything and to get rid of what she won’t be able to keep. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong!

Why? Because, while I’m a planner and an organizer, she isn’t. (I take after my father in that regard.) I look around and see all that has to be done and I cringe, feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Things are not moving along as quickly as I think they should and there’s no doubt that, if I were given free rein, we’d be a lot further along than we are. But, it’s her house, her stuff and the decisions are hers. I’ve often felt like I’m pushing a boulder up a steep hill, trying to urge her into action.

I was complaining about the situation to another author who has become a good friend. She reminded me that as long as we’re moving forward, no matter how slowly, at least we’re headed in the right direction. Baby steps! Of course, she’s right. I had to laugh at myself because, as the author of four novels working on the fifth, I should’ve made the comparison. I’ve never thought of myself as a patient person and yet I spend months plotting each book and many more months writing and editing it. Do things always go according to my plan and my timeline? No. But I persevere in spite of that. I guess it’s time to transfer some of that patience and perseverance to the situation with Mom.

Is there something in your life that’s causing you to become frustrated? If so, how are you handling it?